:-(

When my sister Schmoopy was writing her honors thesis at Stanford, she sent me and her boyfriend a picture of herself wearing a very sad face. The caption read, "This is how my thesis makes me feel."

If I weren't so paranoid about privacy (yes, I recognize the cognitive dissonance of 'privacy' on a blog), I'd post a similar photo of myself. My caption would read, "This is how the bar makes me feel."

Instead, I'll just say this: today I got so sick of studying and missing the Captain that I almost got in my car. But then I hopped on the T to go to the library. Where I continued to be sad.

Walter

Last night was my last night in the law library. Knowing this, I stopped by the security desk on my way out to say good-bye to Walter, my favorite security guard. Early on my 1L year, I stopped by the desk and introduced myself to him. I stuck out my hand and said brightly, "Hi, I'm KHC. I figure we'll be seeing a lot of each other over the next three years, so I thought I should introduce myself."

We've been tight ever since. He's met my boyfriend, and he's approved. I've baked him cookies for his birthday and I sent him a card when he was seriously ill. When one of my classmates was deployed to Iraq, he assembled a care package for her and had me deliver it to her friends. He's seen me hunched over all manner of textbook, outline, and study guide. He doesn't know it, but he's watched me grow up as I've navigated this heartbreaking journey called law school. The very sight of him at the security desk comforted me.

So when I said good-bye to him last night, I had to keep it short. My eyes were filling and I did not want to make a scene. I thanked him for being my friend these three years and then I scurried out, telling him I had to leave before I got "too emotional."

But when I got to my car, I let it all out. Like I'm doing right now.

They're everywhere!

Another freshman in the lawbrary! This one's studying calculus. If I weren't such a goody-two-shoes I'd throw her notes over the railing.

Plus, she's a girl studying calculus. It's my duty to encourage women in the sciences. Thus, I cannot in good conscience throw her notes over the railing.

But I really, really, really want to.

Territory

The law library, or lawbrary as my friends like to call it, is off-limits to undergraduates. Signs are posted at the entry to the building in very clear print. Every semester, however, a few insouciant undergrads will infiltrate the carrels. This bothers me. In the past, it's bothered me enough to sic the library staff on the interlopers.

Yesterday, an undergraduate boldly sat down next to me. I could tell she was not a law student because, well, law students don't study the Principles of Biology. At least, not outside a bar review. Despite my heightened annoyance, I was too tired to truck myself down to the circulation desk to have her kicked out. Later I thought, well, she's being very industrious and I should encourage that. Which ultimately made me wonder, have I gone soft in my 3L old age?

Chairs

Sitting in the library makes my bum hurt.

I used to carry around a cushion, and I never was ashamed. This year, I totally forgot about the cushion until a friend of mine reminded me. So now I'm carrying the cushion around again, and I'm totally ashamed. I'm a 3L.